I'm looking forward to weigh in tomorrow. I've been a "good girl." Which really just means I've been responsible with my eating. Some weeks it's not going to be like that. Weeks that I give up or fail to meet my expectations are weeks that I dread weigh in. Obviously.
Unless you live in the diet world week after week or year after year you have no idea what it means to step on those scales. The number that comes up represents your success or failure. That number represents YOU. It shows the world whether or not you are serious about your weight loss. It's a number you only share with those who you trust with your emotional well being.
It's a number that represents your/my value in society.
Yes, I said it. And sometimes I even believe it. Sometimes in my heart I believe that I really am that number on the scale. The higher the number the lower my worth. But, my head tells me that this way of measuring my worth is not accurate. That both society and myself have set up a false standard.
I was made by God. I know without any doubt -- truly not one smidgen of doubt -- that he loves me whether I am a size four or a size 6x. He loved me before I ever loved him. And, it's not a surprise to him that I've added all these pounds. It's when I close my mind to this truth and listen to what the world says that I start wondering. Is God disappointed in me? Do I have the right to come sit at his feet when I'm this huge? Can I ever be an example of a Godly woman when I look like this?
I don't have all the answers. All I know is to go back to scripture. I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. I'm not a mistake. I have abused my body that God gave me, but he forgives me. Nothing will ever stop his love pouring down on me.
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jer 31:3 or as The Message says: GOD told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!
I don't see anything about a weight qualification in there.
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Boy, we both know for sure how we get mixed up and feel that our number, our scores, our grades are us. They aren't, and when we realize that then we are moving forward, finally. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, we both are. Love you, Judy
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